Welcome New and Returning Students

As I look out across the sprawling desert compound campus of George Washington Hayduke Elementary School I'm reminded of the immortal words of our founder and namesake when he said, speaking of our beloved wasteland, "This is the only thing in the whole goddamn world worth a fiddler's damn. The rest of creation can fuck a goat."

The spires and hoodoos and canyons and caves that make up our desert home are alive with colors and critters and character. We rejoice in the beauty and majesty contained herein and strive to drive a surveyors stake through the heart of any who would seek to spoil it.

For those of you who are new to GWH, allow me to introduce myself. I'm Principal Dunmyer. For the next few years I'll be your guide and teacher. Your parents have entrusted me with your safety and the molding of your mind and soul. Together we will become champions of the wasteland and defenders of freedom.

You are in for an experience unlike anything you could imagine.

You are now Monkeywrenchers. May God have mercy on all our souls.